sometimes i wonder if i'm too biased..like my first reaction will be whatever la..or pissed..or cannot stand it..and i'm never quick enough to question why before the reaction occurs. i always tell myself..well..at least the feeling is mutual. but that still doesn't answer the question, does it. just now i asked myself if my biasness arised because of jealousy, inferiority complex, fear or anything else. i guess all plays a part..different factors just surface more obviously at different times. really dun like this part of my memory..can i just cut it out of my life completely?

and my dear sony ericsson phone, which still lags and has unresponsive keys after service, doesn't show contact names in the sim card numbers list..can you imagine??? cos after service only part of the contact list is left. and like the sim card list will be full of blank spaces and you only realise a number is there when you try to delete the space..wth!!! the main contact list is still the phone one..means if wanna call or sms sim card numbers muz open a separate menu..read the next part carefully..CANNOT COPY SIM CARD NUMBERS TO PHONE. CANNOT PERFORM ANY FORM OF TRANSFER WHATSOEVER. so, bo bian..muz copy one by one from motorola phone. but obviously i had copied the numbers from my moto phone to my sim card before all these rite? and i was given options of overwrite or merge numbers. of cos overwrite, rite? cos dun want duplicate numbers. and lo and behold, the entire moto phone list became exactly the same as the sim card one, i.e. new numbers all gone. well done. and what's the best thing? cs ppl and subcomm numbers all gone. clap clap clap..i'm so gna chg to nokia phone..speechless after all these man..

and it's not that i dun wanna study..i really need rest and play and proj and assignment time during this hols..god knows when these times will come agn..

surprisingly i'm in a sianed mood. not pissed, not stressed, just whiney and bochup abt stuff..like duties, debts ppl owe me, ambiguous future outings, and unkempt brows..i'm really very sian of everything..i want my 16hr nap agn..

ラベル: spontaneous rant

i wish i could think less, and i wish i could be less paranoid..but at the same time, aren't we supposed to make plans for our own future and not take things for granted? if history keeps on repeating, is that a warning to assume nothing remains in the same state before you realise it?

i guess how i'm like now is very much attributed to my past..where alotof things happened out of my expectations..and i began to get used to having no expectations at all..to counter the shock i had to face when it happens. maybe when ur pillar of strength decides to support other people, the sense of loss is much greater than if it was a simple case of not being able to support anyone anymore..

just got reminded of how being drained emotionally can lead to a seemingly impossible decision..where unsure paths were chosen instead of the laborious present one..of cos it is understandable..but if help was requested, it might not have to end up this way after all..

am i fulfilling my resolution? i hope i'm not lost for too long..i want to prove myself..really..i must find a way out for myself..

time to sleep agn..nites to all who are up..

ラベル: innermost feeling, spontaneous rant