got the "most mushy msg" bam bam will ever send last nite..haha..it's typically my dear's words. no possibility of an imposter. even in a most mushy msg, disclaimers, bummers, practicality and reality never fail to surface. but it's still sweet. and i agree with 100% of it.

"...everytime pebbles zhuang ke ai..i just can't help but find that she is so so ke ai~.." (Bam, 2006)

but i wonder how it would have turned out had i not received the the next msg, which was a reply to my qn of why the sudden impulse. really, i was amazed that you do think abt such things. despite all the times you said not to think of, or ask silly "what would you do" questions in imaginary scenarios. anyway, i'm glad you do, cos it showed more that our relationship matters. to you. you know i can't tell alotof things if they're not articulated. i don't know why, that though the second msg should have been a complete wet blanket, i just wanna hug you tight for thinking of us, of me, of the possibilities and of cos your assuring current state of mind. that for now you'd not give pebbles up for anyone else. and cos i found a hubby in my bf, and not a bf in a hubby. practicality triumphs over romanticness.

i love you for who you are.
for your intelligence.
your willpower.
your independence.
your thoughtfulness.
your sensibility.
and your selflessness.
not forgetting,
your arms that hug me,
your head that leans on my shoulders,
the nice smell of your hair,
and your legs that run so fast to catch the bus.

nothing abt you bothers me.
really.
except, maybe..
your seemingly unappreciativeness of my constant cheer-you-up campaigns (thru what, i shall not mention),
your noisy nose that wakes the whole house,
your occasional acting of an mcp,
and your indifference to your image.

haha.

ain't bam bam and pebbles so cute?

yet another mushy msg. tsk. what's up with me these days. 108 drives people out of the mac lab!!

the video is done! now what's left is only the music. i'm so happy! like, wow. FINALLY. still, it was fun while it lasted. mac lab is really a place to bond people. thru ridiculously low temperatures.

zz. these few days were lethargic.

ラベル: innermost feeling, spontaneous rant, traffic-stopping event

poor bam..sometimes i wonder what i should do when he's upset or facing a problem. should i just listen? or give advice? or try to comfort him? usually each of us have problems that the other can do nothing abt, except to understand and be a listening, hugging diary. for me, that's all i can ask for. but i don't know abt you. a constant question that always bothers me is what i can do for you..sigh..

anyway, the past 3 days have been spent with my dear 108 groupmates. it's really my favourite project group so far. like, no matter how our views conflict, we never fight..but we compromise. and we have so much fun together. i hope we dun end up like hi bye frens after the project. i'll really miss the days working together late at night in cs, laughing and laughing over anything and everything. when the project is done, i'll dedicate a post to them. they really bring so much sparkle in my otherwise monotonous life in cs..

nothing much new to add..considering the last post was just like last nite. anyway, i meant every word of it. though it was the most mushy thing i could have ever published. and the list is not complete. far from it. you must have done alotof more stuff for me that i never knew..

ラベル: innermost feeling

because there was the waking up in the middle of the night beside you,
the hugging you tight while i dreamtalk,
the talking to you though i was falling asleep the next minute,
the getting up and falling down agn and agn cos i was half awake,

because you appeared in the middle of the night beside me to surprise me and tuck me back into bed,
while chanting gently "stupid pebbles stupid pebbles", cos i didn't see the msg telling me to stay up, and the 10 missed calls to open the door,

because you said you forgot why you were angry,
and came to look for me before morning soccer,
and had our usual sunday hug and kiss,
as a way to show that all was fine agn,
and you helped me with my report as promised,

because we watched my girl and i together,
as you said we would,

and you shopped with me,
just because i said i haven't done so for wks,

and then there were other happiest times,
because you gave me the card,
the "ke yi ma" on the cute card,
the message on the card,
the first card ever.

because you smile at the way i hug baobei and elmo together,
at how i lai4 chuang2,
at how i sound when i wake up,
at how my hair pongs when i first wake,

even though i kick you off the bed,
snatch away the blanket,
wake you up cos i can't sleep,
or even refuse to wake up when we're late,
and your revenge stops at telling me what i did when i wake up,

because you cooked your first instant noodle for me,
because i fed you your first sotong,
because you gave me your bmt diaries,
because you tried to cross stitch for me,
because you were with me everytime i'm at the beach,
because i took your first kiss from you,

because you touched my heart.

ラベル: innermost feeling

Name 5 of life's simple pleasures that you like most, then pick 5 people to do the same. Try to be original and creative and not to use things that someone else has already used. Tag 5 people on your list.

1. having a good long aftn nap with sweet dreams. i dream the most in the aftn (: it's such a luxury to me now. and to think i used to complain when i was made to sleep in the aftns when i was a kid!
2. spending time in a pet shop with adorable hamsters
3. any conversation, any meeting, any day with my sisters!
4. waking up with bam beside me. and he'll smile (or laugh) at how i look when i'm stirring in my sleep.
5. falling asleep on the beach with bam. i hope it's not the first and last time :(

Tags: 5 people on my list. (i've this strange memory of doing this before. but what the heck. 5 simple pleasures is too little. everyone needs a simple pleasure everyday to keep sane.)

just heard this from chongqing on music diary..he said, "how much of your promises (to your bf/gf) do you remember? alotof times, i know you remember, but when faced with a changing relationship, i choose to forget them. clever people should know not to harp on too much of what your ex-bf/gf had promised, because when a person wants to have a change of heart, he can say all the nice words, but do all the nasty things."

ain't it so true? i'm sure everyone knows that intuitively, but ppl often cannot rationalise when faced with such situations, and hence are too stubborn to believe the truth. i guess that's why bam doesn't say sugary stuff all the time. but if you say he's preparing himself for that day, isn't it more so for guys who have the exact opposite behaviour? so that one day when they have a change of heart, they can continue saying all the nice words and do all the nasty things?

took a test too. i like the results haha. cos they're rather accurate, yet they put them in such a nice way that you're not embarassed to paste it on your blog. haha. superficial me! so now you know i secretly take tests and dun post them. damn! haha.

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you meet that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

ラベル: groundshaking discovery, innermost feeling

so today (acty more like yesterday nite, at 2352), i love myself for completing my 103 report! like right after i hit send (to my tutor), i had this silent whoosh of air out of me and i was screaming in joy inside! as i finally packed all my notes neatly into a pile not to be touched for quite awhile, a blissful smile was formed on my face. and i was hugging myself..squeals! see how excited i am, even now!

did video editing in mac lab jus now. i can be really really lost with macs man. but they're so prettyyy! no matter how hard to use it can be, i shall set out to learn it. haha, i'm exaggerating la. i'm ok with most of the applications. but flash is..!!! like in a world of its own. but maybe cos i never listen and tried in vain to follow the step by step guide. cos like, no matter how, i cannot select multiple frames and copy and paste! so i'm like always stuck, den when i finally bump into the right step it's time to leave alr. so ya..quite useless la the lesson for me, jus now..haha! oh and cindy and i edited our fruits of labour! painful memories!! cos..i was the lead. argh. i shall not talk abt how traumatising it was. it's not easy trying to do anything in front of the camera ok. much less act. so do not complain that ppl cant act or are too fake or wad. seriously u jus hope u dun tense up and screw up..that's all.

oh and and and! I LOVE BAM! haha, i love the present rather. no la both la. haha! even though it came late but it just cannot be helped la. bam was extra sweet this wkn. haha, did sthg wrong? ;p oh well, 17 more days before he leaves for stupid tw. >( ! i dun like!

gtg! nitey!

ラベル: spontaneous rant

did the above paragraph worry you? or excite you. if "you" are the former, congrats. you deserve my blog. and congrats to myself, i believe there is no latter. cos i dun have such ppl in my life. (:

no, i didn't lie. we did have an insanely ridiculous raising of voices in the mrt cos we were both tired. on the eve of our 9th month. but well, we both know it was a mad stint i guess. and didn't bother abt it.

sometimes, all it takes is a reminder to yourself abt what you have, as compared to what ppl had. i realised i never stopped to collate all the memories, cos they aren't really memories to me. technically they are of cos, with each passing of time. but it's just so hard to realise, that sometimes we do silly things like getting jealous and growing all too sensitive. mistakes i made in my sweet seventeen. silly ones too, like suspecting the wrong person.

if some prophecies were meant to be self-fulfilling, do we have a choice? and do we realise that whether we go all out to prevent it, or do nothing to wait for it, it will all result in the same way, cos you know it? but anyway it's miserable, cos it's like knowing that you will get bad grades before the exam.

and i might just end up having no long-anticipated holidays. sigh. cos i'm gna take modules then. wish me luck. (:

ラベル: innermost feeling

bambam's at his interview now with his ubercool speech! so proud of ya! hehe, hope it all goes well.. -clasps hands- hmm, but it shd be a good experience la. have this mda scholarship open but dunno if i can even get near it. :(

special sem open for registration! but i haven't even had time for the past two days to reg between the stipulated times. ok just added my subjects. (: i wanna get astronomy!

sigh. been keeping this to myself for the past few days. since friday. which i summarised and told my sisters on monday. my friend had a prophecy for me. pls do not doubt her credibility. but due to many factors, it could either be highly inaccurate or freaking predicting wad is happening and wad would happen. i'm not so shaken as i was now. i mean, things are certainly not moving in the way i'm dreading. but for the past few days i keep having this unexplainable, uncontrollable naggy, uneasy feeling that tugs at me all day, and especially worse when i'm alone. sigh. i think i know the reason, but i can't prove it in any way la. so forget it. i wish i were stronger sometimes. last wk was really a test. though i was at my very strong and very weak all at once. but i managed to complete my tasks in the end didn't i. just that i cannot control mediocrity, nervousness and stage fright? but nvm, all's well now. as i was saying, friday at the canteen was probably one of my worse moments in my life, being told the disasters that will come crashing down, wishing i were home and seeking comfort in my usual huggie but no way, i've a presentation, and what the hell how can i present in a state like that. anyway, i realised something thru this whole ordeal..many a time we know deep down what is happening and what will, just that we wanna seek a confirmation to prove we're not too sensitive. so, maybe for once i can say i've crossed the border from sensitive to psychic?

enough of the topic. just wanted to narrate my trauma.

went to 'so u think u can dance' premiere. quite a blast. i can say definitely now that i love mambo and jive! so cool la. the dancers can just defy gravity LIKE THAT. and their moves are so smooth until, wa, unbelievable. and their goodies are good! notebook, fan and a roll of csi tape! how cool is that la.

yesterday was a rather great day. went for lessons, discussed our filming, went for the premiere, had a nice nap, went to shop for steamboat, bought door gifts and went back hall to finish up the noticeboard in like, 4hrs straight! frm 8 to 12. it's simply xiong. wished everyday was like that, busy but enjoying every moment of it. life's like that, some proj groups just have more fun than others, same as subcomms. no further comments.

ok! got a quiz coming up later, gotta..read thru. (:

ラベル: innermost feeling, spontaneous rant

ok..the above is just a ploy to keep you reading. yup, by putting up a nice pic ahead of all the ugly stuff beyond.
lo and behold..

this week is hell..! like tmr, i'll have my 106 indiv graded speech, 816 group presentation and annotated biblio proj due all at once! and this whole wk was just spent doing 816..!! and my 103 presentation is due monday! and i haven't even decided on a topic yet! gosh..i was just picking up a book for info abt my 103 presentation when i decided i cannot go on..i must take a break! and so here i am..taking a 45-min long break.

i lied. so much for trying to take a break. i just checked my mail to check abt another proj.

paused agn. to sms abt hall ann.

argh! i hate busy days! no doubt it brings the days by super fast and nearer the weekend..it sucks when u're having no progress! like i was gg to nanyang mart to get my proj binded, and they tell me they've no such service! bish..

meetings. projects. events. performances. filming. whatever happened to studying.. :( and some free time to have a nice aftn nap. sigh. exams in 40 days time..boohoo! but i'm looking on the bright side..i love the hols! 21st april to 7th august! yippee! that's 3.5 months! a good time to work and take electives during special sem.. (:

okay..i think i feel better now. let's continue with the phlog!

this was taken a day before tree left for oz..in my room in hall. the one right at the top was taken at the airport..forced smiles..but i dun think the regular reader can tell..haha. but fyi, we cried nalgenes that day..cos kinda difficult to get buckets into the airport eh? -_- ok those who didn't get it nvm.. (i feel an impending head-numbing!)

the late late photo..haha..but i think it's quite nice! the 3d effect..like it's really shining behind me. woohoo. nice banners la. superb printing. heehee.

!!! i love this second bunch of lilies! so prettyyyyy! it's so pretty that it had the most compliments among all my msn display pics! and just to prove it, scroll down..

TADA!!!!

Hexis Publications and Publicity Comm 2006!! cool gallery behind us ain't it? it's the funnest comm i'd joined in my hall..all the times we had..albeit short, but sweet and memorable! miss working together!

ok! back to work!

ラベル: juicy update, traffic-stopping event