i wish i could think less, and i wish i could be less paranoid..but at the same time, aren't we supposed to make plans for our own future and not take things for granted? if history keeps on repeating, is that a warning to assume nothing remains in the same state before you realise it?

i guess how i'm like now is very much attributed to my past..where alotof things happened out of my expectations..and i began to get used to having no expectations at all..to counter the shock i had to face when it happens. maybe when ur pillar of strength decides to support other people, the sense of loss is much greater than if it was a simple case of not being able to support anyone anymore..

just got reminded of how being drained emotionally can lead to a seemingly impossible decision..where unsure paths were chosen instead of the laborious present one..of cos it is understandable..but if help was requested, it might not have to end up this way after all..

am i fulfilling my resolution? i hope i'm not lost for too long..i want to prove myself..really..i must find a way out for myself..

time to sleep agn..nites to all who are up..

ラベル: innermost feeling, spontaneous rant