by the way..i updated quite a few entries recently..pls move back to previous entries after reading this..they're probably much more impt..and not just plain rambling..

starting to feel the strain and stress of being a yr2..not only is the content more foreign, the amt we're required to absorb each week are also insane..ok i know for PEs and GEs it's the same for everyone..not really a yr2 thing so i shall not comment..but 229 (Basic Audio Video Production) to me is really like in mars language..totally catch no ball in tutorial man..i constantly feel like i've missed the most fundamental introductory tutorial..but of cos..i haven't. so why is it that i'm the only one confused?? sigh..maybe there are some things in life that i'm better suited for..just that i haven't found them..

in the past, i used to think that i did not do certain things because i wasn't given the chance to..but now that i'm given so many chances and choices, i did not take them up..i'm starting to question how well i know myself..whether this shows that it's my true personality, or that i've grown less enthusiastic seeing the commitment i've to put in..

i used to ask myself..what would i change if i could relive my life agn..from any point in time i wanted..and i realised i dunno..cos everything builds up from the past..and if i really have to construct everything from the time i was born..do i have to interfere in how my parents and family bring me up? of cos, turning back time is not possible..but it is an impt qn to ask cos it shows what i'm dissatisfied with..and from this..i've made certain plans for my future..but they're difficult plans..and it is difficult working for the future when i'm just barely surviving for the present..

i know my results are dissatisfactory..and i've worked out the cause for this..just that..everything builds up like i said..and everytime i try to make a change for the future..something will pop out to distract or make me hesitant..sigh..really..it's not that i dun want or never tried to improve..any kind of success encompasses personality..and it's something i differ from the successful..

i really want us to be happy..to work out for a long time..but i can't help but fear that the final straw will be drawn by the other side of me..the ridiculous me..since it's not impossible that i turn into another person on some days of the month..those days are scary..i hate myself for being the nasty person i am..i hate the raging hormones..hopefully they'll recede in nature like the pimples on my face.. :|

ok..that's all for tonite..readings unread, yawning away, guts half spilled..

ラベル: innermost feeling, spontaneous rant