for the future me

just needed to let it out. i won a trip to britain after i got back from my grad trip, and a series of obstacles i've discovered over time, that eliminates the reasons for wanting the trip in the first place, made me drag my decision until now and pull out of the trip at rather short notice. i've just inonvenienced someone in his job, and i feel rather guilty. i totally understand if he's cursing and swearing at me right now cos that's what i'd have done too. the travel agency is really nice, arranging everything to fit my requests...but they're still not enough to solve the concerns of travelling alone to such a faraway place, in the middle of work's peak period.

i feel really bad for being so selfish, but going the other way and agreeing to the trip, at the expense of my insecurity and work, is just illogical. it's not the first time that my indecisiveness has brought on so much trouble. high time to do something. but anyways, i do hope that they find a replacement soon.

ラベル: innermost feeling